you see someone some times.
I did something I hardly do anymore, I went to someone's show. I live in the valley and use the metro—going out anywhere beyond these mountains consists of a little over 4 hours round trip for, at the very least, a 30 minute set. It was katrina weissman's phantom thumb ep release show extravaganza at genghis cohen. my first and last time at genghis (they're relocating god knows where). during rabbit rabbit rabbit's set I noticed a woman in the back of the crowd. Tall. Maybe not that tall, I was sitting down in the corner, short seats. she was brookelen, I would find out when she took the stage and sung about jesus. Unless I misinterpreted the song and it actually wasn't about jesus which in that case, sorry jesus—you're always on my mind somehow which I think is a win for you my guy. It was 4/4/2025 so easter was around the corner.
the show would end and I wouldn't stick around. I briefly said "hello" to mia before leaving immediately to catch the 217 to take the red line to take to my connection to get home (valley things). and even if I did stay, I'm not close to anyone. you have people in a room who have gone to college together, who have moved through the independent music scenes together—are around each other all the time. that's camaraderie. I'm around at times for sure, but the bonds are loose on me. which is fine, I've got the ones close to me. I'm blessed to have whatever this life gives me.
I made a note to invite brookelen to be in the archive. I know the music I was listening to as well when I did. It was a rotation of club eat's "clothes", the truth's "heroes", and the hellp's "hazel"—with some katrina weissman mixed in.
brookelen made me peppermint tea when I came over.
I don't care for tea.
I drank it all.
they welcomed me so well. I always get anxiety before and during shoots but the energy was calm, I was at ease. it takes me a bit to get into the flow of things after not taking photos in a while. the previous shoot I had was the one with cassie, so it'd been a long time.
we went through the different instruments. various guitars and a violin. because of my one year playing viola in middle school, I of course blurted that fact out. they're practically the same (they're not). I feel like I could probably pick it back up again.
the years blend together. decades don't exist. we take everything as it is, as it comes to us. the records scattered about. the digicams. the ipod nano in the jar. the band posters. the knob radio I kept tuning to a decent station and decided to stop fucking around and left it on one that was playing the new haim single.
I forget my age. I forget I haven't seen friends in over five years. I forget what store used to be on the corner when I was seven. I forget when my last kiss was. I forget when my first kiss was. I forget what song came out when. I forget so many things.
I don't forget people. I won't forget brookelen.
I'm pretty sure my great grandma had dementia. maybe I'll have it too. I'll be sure to end it all before I lose the memory of the people in my life. it's who we are right? are we not the flesh but the heartbeat?
perhaps if I fail at killing myself, and my future frail mind falters, someone shows me these photos of mine—of brookelen, and you see the spark in my eyes going once more. god bless 4/25/2025. a good day.
